Crack the Code of Cooperation: Why Understanding Matchers and Mismatchers Is a Game-Changer for Senior Leaders

It started in a boardroom, as it so often does.

We were finalising a major transformation plan—strategy, narrative, implementation path, all signed off at the exec level. The delivery was tight, the stakes high. Every team had contributed, but one senior stakeholder, let’s call him Eddie, kept raising “valid concerns.” Nothing dramatic. Nothing disruptive. Just…enough.

The Leadership Game

Enough to slow us down.

Enough to make the delivery teams nervous.

Enough to spark questions like:“Is Eddie trying to sabotage this?”“Why is he being so negative all the time?”Or the classic: “He agreed last time, didn’t he?”

I’ve been coaching leadership teams for more than 20 years, and I’ve seen this pattern again and again. Senior directors don’t have time for team dysfunction—but they often inherit it, or worse, fuel it, unknowingly.

Let me be clear: Eddie wasn’t toxic. He wasn’t blocking the work.He was a mismatcher. And not the obvious kind.

The Invisible Disruptor: Subtle Mismatching in Senior Teams

You see, mismatchers aren’t always blunt or combative. The most difficult ones to spot are those who appear reasonable, but quietly destabilise momentum:

• They rephrase agreements as slight corrections:

  
  

  You say: “So we’re aligned on the proposed timeline.”

  
  

  They reply: “Well, sort of—it’s just that I wouldn’t call it a timeline, exactly…”

  
  

• They ask questions that imply doubt, not out of curiosity, but control:

  
  

  “Why did we choose that consultant again?”

  
  

  “Is this really the best use of our resources?”

  
  

• They agree in principle but not in emotion:

  
  

  “I see the logic—but something doesn’t sit right with me.”

  
  

  “I’m not saying no, I just think we should pause and reflect.”

  
  

On paper, this doesn’t look like misalignment. But the energy in the room changes. The momentum dies. Your change programme stalls.

You’re not dealing with resistance in the traditional sense. You’re dealing with someone whose operating system is wired to see what’s wrong first—and say so. So what can senior leaders do differently?

Let me show you what not to do first—because most directors unintentionally escalate the issue:

• One Director I worked with responded to a subtle mismatcher by over-justifying decisions with more data. The result? The mismatcher found more flaws.

• Another tried to force alignment in public:

  “Let’s all agree, then. Eddie?”

  Eddie froze, felt cornered, and doubled down on his doubt the next day—in writing.

• A third made the mistake of privately confronting the mismatcher with:“Why are you being difficult about this?”The trust broke instantly.

Here’s what worked instead:

☑️ Don’t seek agreement; seek input:Rather than presenting a finished proposal and asking “Do you agree?”, the most effective leaders say:

“You’re good at spotting what others miss—can you walk me through what doesn’t sit right for you?”

☑️ Let them feel in control of the ‘no’:Frame things so that their instinct to disagree is satisfied without sabotaging the process.For example:

“We’ve drafted an option you might not like—it’s deliberately provocative. Would love your perspective.”

☑️ Use time strategically:Mismatchers often resist in-the-moment consensus. They do better when they can mull and return.Say:

“Sleep on this and come back to me with any flaws tomorrow. You’re good at catching what we’ve overlooked.”

☑️ Avoid performative alignment rituals:When you go round the table for a thumbs-up, mismatchers smell pressure. Don’t frame agreement as loyalty. Frame disagreement as valuable contribution.

“Push back if you see something misaligned. That’s how we pressure-test this.”

☑️ Respect the mismatch — then redirect it.One exec I coached used this beautiful line:

“I value how your brain works — and I also need your help finding a path through, not just around.”

☑️ Never argue the logic in real time.Mismatchers often don’t want to win the argument, they just want to be heard challenging it. If you rebut them immediately, they escalate. If you thank them, document it, and move on, they often drop it.

☑️ Watch their tone, not just their words.Mismatchers often use sarcasm, sighs, or subtle word choices to signal disagreement. Don’t miss those cues—it’s where misalignment brews before it explodes.

☑️ Never say “We all agree, right?”That phrase alone can re-ignite a latent mismatcher. Instead, say:

“We’ve got broad consensus—and still space for some divergent views.” and if you are brave enough, you could add “Let’s hear them.’ to the end of that sentence!

Leadership is Influence — Not Agreement

The best leaders I’ve seen don’t try to convert mismatchers.They include them. They calibrate around them. And, most importantly, they frame disagreement as a strength, not a threat.

Because mismatchers—once respected—can be your fiercest defenders, your quality control, your sharpest eyes.

Eddie? Once the team learned how to involve his earlier and give him space to challenge without killing progress, he became the unofficial risk mitigator of the transformation. The delivery landed. On time.

If your boardroom feels like a quiet battlefield, you may not need a restructure.You might just need a reframing.